WHY DO MEN PREFER NICE WOMEN
People's emotional
reactions and desires in initial romantic encounters determine the fate of a
potential relationship. Responsiveness may be one of those initial
"sparks" necessary to fuel sexual desire and land a second date.
However, it may not be a desirable trait for both men and women on a first
date. Does responsiveness increase sexual desire in the other person? Do men
perceive responsive women as more attractive, and does the same hold true for
women's perceptions of men? A study published in Personality and Social
Psychology Bulletin seeks to answer those questions.
Femininity and Attractiveness
Researchers
from the Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) Herzliya, the University of Rochester,
and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, collaborated on three
studies to observe people's perceptions of responsiveness. People often say
that they seek a partner that is "responsive to their needs," and
that such a partner would arouse their sexual interest. A responsive person is
one that is supportive of another's needs and goals. "Sexual desire
thrives on rising intimacy and being responsive is one of the best ways to
instill this elusive sensation over time," lead researcher Gurit Birnbaum
explains. "Our findings show that this does not necessarily hold true in
an initial encounter, because a responsive potential partner may convey
opposite meanings to different people."
In
the first study, the researchers examined whether responsiveness is perceived
as feminine or masculine, and whether men or women perceived a responsive
person of the opposite sex as sexually desirable. Men who perceived female
partners as more responsive also perceived them as more feminine, and more
attractive. However, the association between responsiveness and male partner's
masculinity was not significant for women. Women's perceptions of partner
responsiveness were marginally and negatively associated with perceptions of
partner attractiveness.
Sparking Sexual Desire
Participants
in the second study were asked to interact with a responsive or non-responsive
individual of the opposite sex, and view that individual's photo (the same
photo was given to each participant). They were then asked to interact online
with this individual, and discuss details on a current problem in their life.
The responsiveness of the virtual individual was manipulated, for example,
"You must have gone through a very difficult time" as a responsive
reply, versus "Doesn't sound so bad to me" as a non-responsive reply.
Men
who interacted with a responsive female individual perceived her as more feminine
and as more sexually attractive than did men in the unresponsive condition.
Women are more cautious than men when interpreting a stranger's expressions of
responsiveness, and their perceptions of the stranger, which were seemingly
unaffected by perceived responsiveness, may reflect conflicting trends among
different women. "Some women, for example, may interpret responsiveness
negatively and feel uncomfortable about a new acquaintance who seems to want to
be close. Such feelings may impair sexual attraction to this responsive
stranger. Other women may perceive a responsive stranger as warm and caring and
therefore as a desirable long-term partner," Dr. Birnbaum elaborates.
The
third and final study tested the possibility that responsiveness may activate
motivational mechanisms for men that fuel pursuit of either short-term or
long-term sexual relationship opportunities. A female partner's actual
responsiveness led men to perceive her as more feminine, and consequently to
feel more sexually aroused. Heightened sexual arousal, in turn, was linked to
both increased perception of partner attractiveness and greater desire for a
long-term relationship with that partner.
Women's Perceptions of Responsiveness
The
findings of the study imply that whether a responsive partner will be seen as
sexually desirable or not depends on the context and meaning assign to
responsiveness. In early dating, the meaning of responsiveness is likely shaped
by gender-specific expectations. Women did not perceive a responsive man as less
masculine, but even so, women did not find a responsive man as more attractive.
The study helps to explain why men find responsive women sexually attractive,
but does not reveal the mechanism that underlies women's desire for new
acquaintanceships.
"We
still do not know why women are less sexually attracted to responsive
strangers; it may not necessarily have to do with 'being nice.' Women may
perceive a responsive stranger as less desirable for different reasons,"
Prof. Birnbaum cautions. "Women may perceive this person as
inappropriately nice and manipulative (i.e., trying to obtain sexual favors) or
eager to please, perhaps even as desperate, and therefore less sexually
appealing. Alternatively, women may perceive a responsive man as vulnerable and
less dominant. Regardless of the reasons, perhaps men should slow down if their
goal is to instill sexual desire."
Comments
Post a Comment